Recently, I diagnosed myself with A. A. A. D. D. –
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to wash my car. I know I live on the “rez” and
we don’t wash our cars,
still it has been 6 years, I decide to buck the trend
anyway and wash it.

As I start toward the front yard, I notice that there
is mail on
the hall table.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I notice the mail is mostly junk-mail, but I read it
anyway. We don’t get much mail
on the ‘rez’ so figure, who knows, maybe one of the
junk-mail companies actually
knows me and really does consider me a “valued
customer”. Although I can’t
actually remember buying anything from any of them, it
is still nice for a moment
to see mail addressed to me and my name in print.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail
in the
trash can under the table, take out the few bills and
notice that the trash can is

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and
take out
the trash first. I know it’s still 2 weeks before trash
burning day, still
if my neighbors see trash out front they will know I am
still alive, at least.

But then I think, since I’m going to be near the
mailbox when I
take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills
There aren’t many, we don’t have many bills on
the “rez”, still
I certainly don’t want my Indian Book Club Of The
Month, satellite tv service
or my phone cut off (not that I ever get any calls
anyway, my kids are all
living in foreign places like, Chicago, New York and
Miami – were they are apparantly
far less advanced than we are here on the ‘rez’ and
thus don’t have phone service).

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there
is only
one check left. For the life of me I can’t remember
where all the
checks went, I don’t recall buying anything in a while.
Perhaps I really
am a “valued customer” and bought things from those
junk-mail companies
afterall. But I can’t remember what I may have bought.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to
my desk
where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I’m going to look for my checks, but first I need to
push the
Coke aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.

I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I
should put
it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the coke a vase of
flowers on
the counter catches my eye–they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my
regular reading
glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first
I’m going
to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a
with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table. For the life of
me, I can’t remember
who may have done that, no one has been here in weeks.

I realize that tonight when I go to watch TV, I will be
looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s
the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the
den where
it belongs, I don’t want to miss tonight’s episode of
but first I’ll water the flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it
spills on
the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some
and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was
planning to do.

At the end of the day: the car isn’t washed, the bills
paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the
counter, the
flowers aren’t watered, there is still only one check
in my
checkbook, I can’t find the remote, I can’t find my
and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done
today, I’m
really baffled because I know I was busy all day long,
and I’m
really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to
get some
help for it, but first I’ll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to
everyone you
know, because I don’t remember to whom it has been

Don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet, your day is


This has been around quite awhile, but, perhaps,
there are some who have yet to see or hear it.

This is the ‘rez’ version.

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