Moon Rejects New Solar System Order, NASA Attacks (Satire)

Moon Rejects New Solar System Order, NASA Attacks (Satire)

Posted in Satire with tags , , , , on October 6, 2009 by buffalohair

Bomb the moonNASA plans an assault on the citizens of *Cabeus A Crater for rejecting plans to colonize the Solar System.

An unnamed NASA official was quoted as saying;

“We’ve pretty much got the New Word Order sewn up. People of Earth have given up their sovereignties, civil liberties and were assigned to economic work zones now. The Moon is chock full of natural resources and water is one of them. The Moon’s strategic location and the possibility Cabeus A may be building weapons of mass destruction also contributed to the World Trade Organization and the United Nations decision to attack.”

“You guys can colonize the Earth all you want but keep the Moon out of it eh” said Cabeus A resident Lester McGraw.

Mr. McGraw and his family migrated to Cabeus A along with other deposed and impoverished Earthlings who’ve lost their homes and way of life. Attracted by the lack of criminally corrupt politicians in bed with international corporations and greed, the Moon was the only sensible option left. The balmy 107c temperature in the day time and the subtle –153c evening temperature also played into their decision to move to the Moon.

“We don’t get much company here except for a few space guys and they did not hurt anything. Just did not care much for that dang anal probe. But all in all, the Moon was a quiet and secure place where we could raise our kids. And no more Ottawa traffic to contend with. Since Zellers just opened up a new superstore in the next crater we had everything we needed, well except Canadian beer, but we’re building a new brewery. Tim Horton’s was going to open a cafe here until the United Nations Security Council decided we were building nuclear bombs. And that’s when life changed for us eh”, said former Saint Johns resident, Dennis Newman.

“We even have our own national anthem” quipped another former resident of Saint Johns as he began to sing, ‘The Man on the Moon is Newfi’, by **Stompin Tom Connor.

Life on the moon was bliss according to local residence of Cabeus A. They boasted of free satellite TV from all the space junk NASA and other space related organizations dumped on this once desolate stellar object. Living in extreme cold was not a major concern for these rugged Canadian pioneers but they missed the snow.

“I’ll bet they think our brewery is some kind of nuclear reactor and if they bomb that, then they will really have a war on their hands eh, blasted Earthies”, retorted Mr. Newman.

Will October 9th, the date of the pending assault, mark the end of a way of life for these innocent victims of greed and expansion? And most important of all, will NASA bomb their brewery? Only time will tell.

Your Devil’s Advocate

Buffalohair

* http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/badastronomy/2009/09/14/lcross-impact-site-picked/

** http://www.stompintomtribute.com/

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