NDN Jokes every where in every nook and corner / 2007

Top 10 List of Things for skins to do at Wal-Mart…

10. Ask stock boy where the commod isle is…
9. Pull up to express check out line with 8 Thirty-packs and attempt
to pay with food stamps…
8. Go to the shoe department and ask where the beaded NIKES are…
7. Ask sporting goods department if they carry do-it-yourself sweat
lodge kits…
6. Inquire in clothing department where they keep the 4-X NDN T-
shirts…
5. Walk up to snack bar and order a Kidney-K-Bob…
4. Come walking in with a half-dozen 300 pound skins and ask where
the Diet Soda section is…
3. Pick up paging phone and blast out a 49 Song…
2. Go to the automotive guy and ask him if he can retread your flat
retreads… AND NUMBER ONE IS…DRUMROLL, PLEASE…
1. Walk into store wearing full traditional dance regalia and ask
where the scalping tools are….

Visiting Town

A desert man who had spent his whole life in the desert, visited a
friend who had moved to town. He’d never seen a train or train tracks.
As he was standing in the middle of the railroad tracks, he heard a
whistle — Whooee da Whoee! — but he didn’t know what it was.

WHAM! He’s hit by the train and tossed to the side of the tracks. It
was a glancing blow, and he survived with a few broken bones and some
bruises. After weeks in the hospital recovering, he was finally
visiting his friend in town. While in the kitchen, he suddenly heard
the teapot whistling. He grabbed a baseball bat from a nearby closet
and bashed the teapot into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend,
hearing the noise, rushed into the kitchen and asked, “Why’d you bust
up my teapot?” The desert man replied, “You gotta kill these things
when they’re small.”

Top 10 Things To Say To A Non-Indian Upon First Meeting

10. How much white are you?
9. I’m part white myself, you know.
8. I learned all your people’s ways in the Boy Scouts (Order of the Bullet).
7. My great-great-grandmother was a full-blooded European princess.
6. Funny, you don’t look white.
5. Where’s your powdered wig and knickers?
4. Do you live in a covered wagon?
3. What’s the meaning behind the square dance?
2. Oh wow, I really love your hair! Can I touch it?
1. What’s your feeling about riverboat casinos? Do they really help your people, or are they just a short-term fix?

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ARM CHAIR FASCIST 101. / 2006

ARM CHAIR FASCIST 101.

Funny how the “Rights of Man” has become the “Rights of the Select” these days. And this axiom seems to have trickled down to the news media at large I might add. It is quite striking to me the very vanguard of Freedom of Speech has turned into a part of the Double Speak Machine. When personal opinions outweigh news worthy stories the news simply does not get out. In effect, the news is censored before it hits the press. So yea don’t like the schmuck in a story. Does mean you don’t do the story. Everyone has an opinion and we are predisposed to some prejudices and dislikes regardless of how much incense we burn or whatever…lol.

Some call it the new wave of advocate reporting. I call it censorship. In any event it’s the so called little people who never seem to get an equal playing field in the media. It sickens me, all these arm chair journalists who determine what is news and what is not, all based on their personal opinions. Let’s take a look at how the media at large has dealt with a band of Lakota People making a run for freedom. Or should I say, ho/hurt or killed by an overzealous agent or two. Coincidentally, the person injured or killed will be an outspoken activist. It is funny how this happens across the Americas. And now, a former FBI, (Joseph H. Trimbach) has a tell all book about AIM and the TRUE nature of this organization, (American Indian Mafia). The same FBI who is wracked with corruption agents, graft, sold secrets and can’t pay their surveillance phone bill. Dare we mention the CIA’s drug running to finance the Contra’s? Is this a pot calling the kettle black? This book will be fodder for all those nay sayers for sure. Of course the Arm Chair Fascists can pick and select who is the naughty Injun and who they consider a good Injun. Well it does not matter what these arm chair Fascists think anyway. They don’t live as a conquered people. They don’t live in constant fear of reprisal whenever they mention equality. And I know they don’t get phone calls from family relations in need of food or help paying the utilities. I love how people are saying, “These Lakota’s are breaking a long standing treaty”, excuse me while I barf. The US is the trend setter for broken treaties and promises and this fact should be the rallying point, not a group of people “run for the fence” in a desperate attempt to find freedom. Just remember what Martin Luther King said, “Everything Hitler did was legal”.


Well the struggle of the Indigenous People world wide marches on. Did you catch the story about a judge in Australia who released 10 adult men with little penalty if any for raping a 10 year old girl? Yup, the reasoning behind the judges light sentences, “The girl must have given permission”, gads. Then the Aborigine’s from down under won a shallow victory in courts for the Australian governments removal of children from Aboriginal families by force to “re-educate” them. It’s the same ole same ole, the conquering people decided to relocate and educate Aboriginal children. Canada had a landmark billion dollar law suite for just the same exact thing. Only difference in the outcome was, the Australian government decided monetary reparations was not necessary and a simple apology was all that was required to mend decades of human rights violations.

Sadly, food shortages are circulating around the world but it’s the Indigenous people who feel the wrath. War torn Afghanistan is appealing to the world for help since they were not able to produce enough food to feed their own. According to Pakistani officials there is an abundance of wheat flour in South Asia but the prices are fixed at the mills these days. They must have learned this trick from the oil companies who have taken to raising prices do to speculation. It’s all about the money Paisan. Yea well whatever.

So much for literary turrets, ah the life of a Devil’s Advocate eh.

Your Devil’s Advocate
Buffalohair


_________________
Creativity is the byproduct of a fertile mind

TPMS, A WALK INTO THE TECHNOLOGICAL TOILET / 2007


TPMS, A WALK INTO THE TECHNOLOGICAL TOILET

While you were sleeping, again, some mucky muck politician managed to pass into federal law a mandate you might like to know about. If you bought a car after September 2007 you will notice you also have a spiffy little gadget on your dash that informs you if you have a low tire. It’s called the “Tire Pressure Monitoring System” or TPMS. Kewl a nice and shiny light and or gage that warns you if you are to dumb to notice your tire is flat or low, gawd. Gosh it’s a wonderful idea that can save lives you say. In all probability the law maker who passed this new requirement has interest in the company that makes these new gizmos.

This reminds me of the first smog device law. A senator in California passed the new smog law back in the day. It just so happened he had interest in a company who manufactured the first smog device. No one questioned why a company would manufacture such a device before there was a demand. I was just a poop butt kid and it still sounded twisted to me. After it was all said and done and billions was spent on these devices over the years all we managed to do is convert the toxic gasses into something more vial, from carbon monoxide to sulfur dioxide, the seed of acid rain. Gads, do you remember when Motor City informed the general public that they were going to start adding plastic to their new cars? The pitch was to make cars more affordable, ha, ha, ha. Ultimately, cars got as expensive as a house, plastic and all. Yea, whatever.

So now the federal government is going to save America from tire blow outs. Paleeeeeeeze! It will be the financial gift that keeps on giving. You’re going to love this one eh. Little known to the general public is the fact these computer chips that will be affixed to the valve stems will require special tools when a tire needs to be fixed or replaced. In essence, these devices will cost the public billions and line the pockets of Corporate America in the long run. The cost of a new set of tires will double in price. A simple tire repair will cost near $100. Why? Because of the labor/tools these frail devices will require. Some auto manufacturers claim tires will need to be replaced by the dealers only and at a staggering price in some cases. One estimate was as high as $150 per wheel and that does not include the tire, holay. And did I mention these devices will require batteries so it can transmit this vital air pressure information to the master computer on the dash? Oh yeah eh, not only will you be charged the big bucks to change or repair a tire. You will be charged the big bucks to replace this tiny $3 battery as well. Oh boy….

Of course the feds and states are utilizing this mandate to garner more tax payers funds through penalties and fines if these devices are non functional or missing. I believe the feds may impose fines as high as $10,000 per violating wheel and surely the states will want to cash in on this new source of revenue, you bet’cha!

Ah but who cares, you probably are the absolute minority in this nation who is making the big bucks in the stock market with the Magellan fund. You would be in good company with most of the political leadership in both parties. Nothing like a war based economy to keep us afloat eh. So this increase will mean nothing to you since you will sell the car before you wear out the first set of tires anyway. But whoa to the used car buyer since all of these electronic gizmos will self destruct on your shift. Has technology made this culture so stupid they can’t tell if their tire is low on air? If the federal government was truly concerned for our safety they should have issued all car owners a manual and a tire gage. But since America is asleep at the wheel I guess we reap what we sow. How far beyond stupid have we become that we can’t read a tire gage, a simple $5 tool. It’s all about the money anyway, Capice?

Your Devil’s Advocate

Buffalohair
_________________
Creativity is the byproduct of a fertile mind

GANGS & TECHNOLOGICAL TOILETRIES / 2006



GANGS & TECHNOLOGICAL TOILETRIES

Recently I was asked by a colleague to look into Gangs and Gang recruitment on the internet. As I explored this story I came to realize something I’ve known all along. Since I grew up on the streets and made my bones in gangs back in the day. I have some input that I would like to share about Gangs.

All I hear is, gangs this or gangs that and how we need to stop gangs. Paleeze give me a break. First off STOPPING GANGS is nothing more than stopping a sneeze rather than stopping the cold. Gangs are not the cause but only a symptom. Gangs are only the end product of a throw away society. Gangs are where throw away people of society congregate. They are the outcasts, the misfits, the kids who are different, kids who don’t fit into some groove. They are the end product of neglect, abuse and prejudice for whatever reason. All the joy was slapped out of them at an early age for the most part and they come in all colors.

Ah but we live in the land of “Feel Good Laws and Distract-A-News”. And as usual a select group of people will soon cash in on the anti gang rhetoric that is spewing about eh. They will have an army of gang experts and garner federal funding. I can see it now; some congressman will propose a law of some kind making gangs illegal and with Gestapo’esk fashion doors will come down. These new laws will side step any and all civil rights such as the Miranda protocols, all for the greater good of society. Only tiny drawback will be the repercussions as the government takes full advantage of this new loophole in civil rights laws. Of course, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights will have no bearing since America is in a coma. Ho hum, do I have to remind you about the wire taps that spy on terrorists only to be used to spy on American’s as well? Something to do with Homeland Security I do believe. Barf……

More than likely, non gang members and political sects will come under fire as well. The government will round up any and all dissidents who gather. For all intents and purposes any grouping of citizens would be construed as a gang hence they will be considered illegal. But hey, it’s for the greater good eh. Gads, gangs flourish in prisons now. So I guess more prisons will be built, but what else is new? Rather than address why people join gangs they choose to simply throw people away. Guess there is no money in building places of higher education. It’s much easier to imprison than educate which brings us back to the core of the problem, society’s prejudices and hatred for minorities and people who simply are different. And you can bet your bippy there are lobbyists for the prison construction consortium waging war on America with stiffer laws to imprison more American’s.

Now that I’m thinking about it, did any of you ask why the feds are eliminating analog TV? Why was it so important for the feds to make this transition from analog to High Def TV? This is a no brainer since it’s all about making TV “Interactive”. In essence our televisions will be two way communications devices and it’s not simply for games and interactive televisions shows, gads you can’t be that numb eh. Just flip through the pages of George Orwell’s 1984 if you’d like a blueprint of total control of the masses by “Big Brother”. At the very least Corporate America could utilize this new data for marketing strategies. Of course the government will be able to eves drop to make sure we are good American’s. Yup Homeland Security will be the priority and the feds excuse as well.

So my PTSD’s are flaring big time. You have to remember, as a Native I’ve always lived in the land of doublespeak. As a culture we’ve had to endure many “second agendas” as well as watch our people get systematically killed off for the greater good or Manifest Destiny. Now this nation has come full circle and is consuming their own. The new color of choice is green and not the environmental kind. It makes you wonder why this nation has become so paranoid. And yup, I’ll wager it’s all about the money. It’s funny how the feds simply decided to do this without asking the public. But they did it for our greater good. Just more technological toiletries.

Your Devil’s Advocate
Buffalohair


_________________
Creativity is the byproduct of a fertile mind

THE FLATULANT COW, sign of the times. / 2006

DsDesignsEatinglikeaCow.gif

THE FLATULANT COW, sign of the times.

It’s just one of them boring news days. Every major financial institution in the free world is on the verge of collapse. Corruption is at an all time high as world leaders scramble to make a buck on a personal and Corporate Fascist note. Global Warming has been considered a boom to the shipping industry as coastlines disappear around the world. Oil and gas, lol don’t make me puke. Nature has already begun the revolt as gangs of killer jelly fish swarm fishing hostels. Plagues beyond epidemic proportions are spreading around the world. Human rights violations go unchecked and take a back burner for the sake of profiteering. While the world at large says nothing as the public is lead around by their noses in this Pollyanna rose colored vision of all is nice.

So what if scientists in South Korea cloned cats that glow in the dark. They would be easier to spot by rouge mice Japanese scientists genetically engineered with no fear of cats. Then there is NAFTA and the loss of millions of American jobs. Self sufficiency of this nation was replaced by dependants on other less than friendly nations. Like a monkey trap where the monkey refuses to release the banana in the bottle and is imprisoned by his own greed. The US was not hard to conquer, just let their greed lead them down the path to their own demise. What are we thinking eh. It’s all about the money anyway, Capice?

So the real headliner on this Monday is the Flatulent Cow of Edinburgh England. The back side of a mechanical cow was affixed to the Rowan Pub in old town. Literally, like clock work the cow breaks wind at 11:00 and 13:00 (GMT) with a complement of dry ice for visual and sound effects. It is a befitting statement of the times we live since most politicians give us hot air at best. At least the cow is dependable and does what it was intended to do.

Your Devil’s Advocate
Buffalohair


_________________
Creativity is the byproduct of a fertile mind

BITCHEN THINGS / 2006

BITCHEN THINGS

With all the chaos in the news these days, things can look pretty negative to say the least. But there is a silver lining it would appear. So we are living in the time of great change. Yea don’t have to buy into any of it and frankly, I don’t really care since it is your choice. All I am is a messenger, take it or leave it. With the news and data available for all to see, there is no real excuse as to why people simply don’t get it other than this lemming mentality.

Elders say that society is likened to chickens rushing to eat the corn the ole farmer is tossing in the coup. They rush here and they rush there not caring who they step on to get the corn. And all the while the ole farmer is sizing up these chickens to find the plumpest one to butcher.

But not everyone is buying into this race for the corn, so to speak. And happily there are human beings that cross cultural lines who see the reality of the world around them. In one vision I was shown a globe and on this globe was these purple dots. When these dots were connected they formed a loosely strung net of sorts around the Earth. I was told this would be humanities safety net for the more turbulent times ahead mankind will face.

Further, my elders told me many people would simply not buy into the concept of Changing Times regardless of how ancient this notion is. Many more than not would rather adhere to the material consequence of contemporary society. But this loosely strung safety net would save a few and that is all that really matters. It ain’t nothing but meatball to me Paisan. So I’m a Krusty messenger eh……lol.

Fortunately for humanity there are many others who see what I see. In the last year I must have met hundreds of other people I consider purple dots fore they all share the same visions. They cross all national and racial boundaries. From musicians and entertainers to civil engineers and airline pilots, even street kids like me. We all share this axiom of Changing Times and Humanitarianism. Just blows my mind since I was told about this back in the early 90’s in a vision. Now it is coming to pass on a scale I never could have possibly imagined. We truly are living in a time of great change. If you can not see it yet, eventually I guarantee you will, for your sake. For us purple dots, it’s already a done deal, Bada Bing, Bada Bang, Bada Boom, Capice?

Your Devil’s Advocate
Buffalohair


_________________
Creativity is the byproduct of a fertile mind