FREEDOM…. / 2007


Ah this is the good life as I speed down Interstate 40 past Kingman Arizona. My destination is unsure at the moment as my Rambler American whisks me eastward to points unknown. I would be past Flagstaff by now if it were not for the “inspection” I had to endure at the Hoover Dam check point. Don’t know what all the fuss was about. All I told the security official was that I just finished a bomb and was in a hurry to get over the dam.

What was all the fuss about anyway? Gads, I went into the Pilot Travel Plaza and bought one of them “Bomb Burrito’s”, you know the ones you Nuke in the microwave oven for about 1 ¼ minutes. And for some reason as I approached the check point, the burrito found the express lane and I had to get to Kingman as fast as I can. But luck would have it that I had to endure 60 grueling minutes in a security shack being questioned about this bomb.

When I told the guard and the Nevada State Troopers that I was about to explode they really got excited and left the building. I wonder what they would have done if I asked them to pull my finger, holay.

Who is Al Kyda anyway? When I was being question they asked me if I was this Al fellow. I told them I knew an Al but I was not sure of his last name. I think it was Kyda or Kincaid, something like that. Don’t think they liked my answers though. They kept asking me if I was from the mid east and I said yes, I’m from Lebanon but before I could say Missouri they went ballistic and hand cuffed me to the chair I was sitting on. The FBI started talking to me about this Al guy again and I was starting to get mad since all I wanted to do was get to the Petro Travel Plaza in Kingman to use the can.

I was really fit to be tied by now. I looked square in the eyes of this FBI fellow and told him straight out, “You better let me go. This bomb in my belly is about to explode”. The room got silent for a moment then this FBI guy said, “We need to do a cavity search”. I tried to warn those fellas but they would not listen to me at all. Then all of a sudden a guy from the “bomb Squad” showed up. He was dressed in some fancy outfit with a helmet and face mask. He had all kinds of doodads on as well.

This bomb squad fella started in on his cavity search and boy was he in for a surprise. I see why they wear that face mask and all that gear now. But after this cavity search I did feel much better though. One of the guys searching my Rambler American came into the guard shack where I was held at and showed the FBI guys the wrappers from all those burritos I had eaten back in Vegas. The guy also had my cars vehicle registration and boldly printed on it was the words Lebanon Missouri.

Now I’m headed east bound and just passed Williams Arizona. Flagstaff is not too far but I think I’ll just cruise on. Don’t want to eat anymore of them bomb burritos though. No telling what the Arizona State Troopers will do. All I know for sure is that Nevada has some weird ways.

So the moral of this story is never to eat burritos in Las Vegas, especially at the Pilot Travel Plaza and drive onto Needles California before heading east. Hoover dam is not that special to me anyway. And in all actuality, there are some things I rather do by myself. Oh, and if you’re this Al fella they are looking for. Stay away from the Hoover Dam inspection station especially if you just ate at the Pilot in Vegas.

Next time I’ll just eat at Ralph’s Chicken Bucket in Henderson.

Creativity is the byproduct of a fertile mind


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