Ah the joys of tradition, merriment, and calibration as a community bands together to celebrate such a joyous time. Men eagerly filled the lines at Wally-World as they purchased their Lamb Skin Thongs yesterday.

I was up and early and was the first runner of the day I believe. Joyously, I ran through the streets of this old mining community, singing and laughing as I went. Of course I maintained tradition and touched the faces of women on the streets with my sweaty thong as I ran. This was to guarantee fertility. Course the lady with 5 kids did not seem too thrilled with my blessing of fertility and she hit me with some French Bread she has in the shopping cart. Ma Ma Leone winked at me when I accidentally brushed her face with my thong at the mall though. Course she was 89 years old and did not seem to need a blessing of fertility.

As I ran through the streets buck naked as prescribed by tradition, I began to notice something. I was the only runner, but I pushed forward. When I turned to see what the crowd was pointing at. I became keenly aware that I was not the only runner after all. Reinvigorated by this revelation, I pushed forward with greater zest as the crowds cheered me on.

As I rounded the corner of this quaint mountain community, I noticed that the other runners were getting closer. But something was very odd to me since it appeared that they were dressed. They were yelling at me as well. When they were close enough to see who they were, I discovered they were policemen in uniform. I also spotted Ma Ma Leone. The ole gal sure could run eh. The coppers caught up to my naked ass. Promptly arrested me and tossed me in the slammer, something about indecent exposure. Guess the sight of a 265lbs naked longhaired Native man running through the streets, slapping women with a sweaty thong was too much for this little township. Soon I became aware that Lupercalia was no longer celebrated here.

The inmates at the jail were extremely friendly though. For some reason, I was getting invitations to visit other cells in my pod. Maybe they wanted to hear ancient stories and share jokes? I must have been a sight since I was wearing only my lamb skin thong. But I was getting out of jail anyway. Seems Ma Ma Leone posted my bail.

Well, Happy Lupercalia

Creativity is the byproduct of a fertile mind